Using Motivation for Abuse to Guide Treatment

The premise of an abuse continuum with insults and silent treatment at one end and murder at the other, helps clients sometimes understand that ‘we have all been abused and we have all been abusive,’ helping normalize the behaviour, de-stigmatize, and engage in helpful learning.  What that premise or analogy assumes however, is that given a do over, given the ‘right’ tools to manage emotional regulation, be sober, have healthy communication skills, our clients would not choose abuse.  And for many, thankfully this is so, the tools and learning embedded in such counselling are potentially life saving as well as interrupt the intergenerational cycle of abuse.  That said, how many clients go through rigorous domestic violence or anger management counselling and still are abusive, or are abusive in different ways, even when they have the tools?  It is valuable and necessary obviously to teach those valuable skills in therapy.  Peel back the layers however, and it is imperative to go so much deeper with some very simple questions that uncover the ‘why’ of abuse, in each circumstance.  We need to better unpack and examine individual choices to be abusive, very little of which is physical, but that emotional and verbal violence that so impairs and damages, and in looking at the ‘why,’ better understand individual choices.  In doing so, we may tailor treatment to the many different kinds of abuse, and personalities, rather than using one blanket approach which makes that perhaps egregious assumption that all violence is based on lack of skills and not a desire to hurt.  Too, we owe it to our clients to better understand themselves, and be able to articulate their motivations and cue to abuse, and unlock the value of seeing pre to post measures that reveal specific changes in thinking and ability to reflect and choose differently.

After this session, participants will be able to:

1. Help construct a framework of assessing and treating domestic violence offenders, to better understand what type of treatment may best fit.

2. Uncover potential assumptions and biases on the part of treatment professionals regarding domestic violence that may form cornerstones of therapy.

3. Engaging clients in therapeutic dialogues and discussion that go to uncovering motivation for violence and potential gain, moving past discussing theory and learning to help clients better answer ‘why’ they have chosen violence.